Willard

This is the story about my experience with a 13 year old boy named Willard.

I changed the names.

I came into the cabin after a few hours of hauling luggage for arriving campers. I looked around to see several preteen boys that would be spending the week together. Max, my co-counselor, was having the boys play some games so that everyone could get to know each other a little better. I made an effort to go around and talk to each of the boys for a few minutes, asking them questions about their lives and why they came to camp. I came around to Willard, and we made a good first impression on each other. He seemed like a fun kid, full of energy and outgoing. I did not know then that throughout the rest of the week Willard would reveal to me the limits of my patience.

We started off on a good foot, I was demonstrating my juggling skills and helping the boys learn to juggle. Willard had a special interest in Juggling, and fell in love with it right away. It was all he wanted to do with every free moment he had. He would always ask me if he could use my juggling balls. I could see the disappointment on his face when I had to tell him that juggling rocks was not allowed. I have found that the boys who get the most into juggling tend to have stressful situations at home.

The first day of camp after arrival, I was assigned to help Dan, a fellow counselor, facilitate a group of campers in playing sports. Willard was disrespectful to Dan as he was giving instructions, and Dan said "Don't talk back to me." I had noticed before that Willard did have a poor attitude, but hearing Dan say this got me to realize that Willard was having trouble respecting others.

The next day, we were playing carpet ball and waiting for the lunch bell to ring. Things are going well, I'm watching Willard play, he is winning round after round. The lunch bell rings, and it's time to go to the dining hall. I have to tell Willard 3 times to quit playing, and lifts his hand threateningly as if he is going to throw the ball at me. I was very frustrated at him, and as we are walking up the dining hall, I am harsh with him. My employer just happened to be at the top of the hill, so I thought to myself "I can imagine he would not be happy with me treating the camper like this." It was important for me to be in that situation, because it forced me to look at my actions from a more objective point of view. Upon later reflection this point of view allowed me to realize that I should have looked over that offense and been more of a friend.

I went to talk with my co, Max, about it one day. He said, "I know his is just a kid, be he is still a jerk" I had to agree with him on that. I said "I know that I need to try and show love to him anyway, but it is really hard." Max said "He probably has a tough home life, and that is why he is acting out like this, he may not get a lot of good attention from his parents."

That night as we were getting settled in the cabin and winding down for the day, I called Willard over to talk with me. "Willard, I've noticed you have been very disrespectful to your fellow campers and the counselors. I know you love to juggle, but this is how it is going to be. I expect you to show respect to other counselors from now on. If I hear you talking back to a counselor, I will revoke your privileges to use my juggling balls for the day. As long as you do well, you can use any of my juggling equipment any time that you want." He was very cooperative, and gracefully accepted my correction. I knew that he intended to make an effort, and that he wanted to do better.

Unfortunately my talk with Willard about respect must not have sunk in deep enough. The next day he punched another camper. I took him in the office to talk to my employer. He set Willard aside and had a long talk with him. I did not have the opportunity to sit with them because my co-counselor was on break and I needed to be with my cabin. But I am sure that I would have benefited from seeing how my employer dealt with the situation if I had the opportunity to be around. Looking out the window from the dining, hall, I saw from his body language as he spoke that my employer was being gentle with Willard, and that he was really getting through to him. Willard didn't punch anyone for the rest of the week.

Max and I noticed that Willard had hung towels and blankets over his bunk to make a wall between him and the rest of the cabin. Max brought this up to me and said "It seems he is separating himself from the rest of the cabin". This displayed how he was not opening up to us and would pull back into his fortress away from his fellow campers. I did not know what to do about this.

It came time to send the kids home to their parents. This week I got to see the kids off as they left. Willard was taking the bus back to his home. I walked with him, in silence, from the dining hall to the where the bus stopped and he was the last one to get on. I had one last opportunity to leave him on a positive note. As he took his first step on to the bust, I put my hand on his shoulder, "Hey Willard" He stopped and turned around "Huh?" I extended my hand for a hand shake. "Willard, I'm really glad that I got to spend a week with you. It's been a good time. Keep on working on your respect." I smiled at him as I said this. He looked at me and in all seriousness he said "I will" and got on the bus. I walked away, feeling glad that I had at least shown him one act of kindness.

This brings up one thing that I learned. Often times the stresses of my current situation and the flaws and limits of my character cause me to behave in a way that is less than ideal. In hindsight, I see that I had passed up too many opportunities to connect with Willard and to make him feel more at home at camp. My own lack of patience had put me at enmity with Willard, which made it hard for me to be his friend. I was looking at things from my own perspective instead of his, which made it impossible for me to sympathize with his struggles. This reinforces my conviction that I should try to see beyond a person's actions and words, and try and support and comfort them in regards to what is hurting them instead of offer more resistance to them because of what they are doing wrong.

So what I need to do when I am stressed in the future is to examine myself to see what flaws of my character and what limits of virtue are causing me to be less than ideal, and to prayerfully and earnestly push and stretch myself to do better in that area. One important way to notice my limits is to look at how more mature and experienced people deal with similar situations to mine and compare that to how I do things.

Reflection

One thing that I find is very important to do is to reflect. I often reflect on things that I've witnessed or been part of. I think back on conversations that I've had to try and understand better myself and the other person. I remember things that I've done or tried to do to realize more about my
character and personality. Sometimes I reflect on ideas that I've had in the past, and track how my though processes and perspectives have changed over time. I feel that this is all very important for developing as a mature person. The more I understand about all the realities surrounding my influence, the better I can intention to use my influence for God glorifying purposes. If I'm looking at my desires and motives and then I can discern how the attitude of my heart can be pleasing to God, then I'm better off that way. If I look at the consequences of my words or my actions, I can learn to speak and behave in a way that will honor God. My goal is to behave like Jesus Christ, so when I reflect upon things I have an image that I compare myself to.
Just looking at my heart or mind wouldn't do me any good if I was not going to compare it to something else.
For example, I have a thought about saying something cruel and destructive to another person. I recognize what I am intending to say and I can think about it. But from my understanding of the principals that Jesus adhered to in his life, I realize that saying this thing to this person would not be Christ like. So since I compared myself to Christ in my reflection, it reveals the differences between us and brings up the question: Do I want to act like Jesus? That thought process can happen any time. It could happen before I say the unkind words, during, or after when I'm looking back at the whole situation.

There are a few ways that I reflect. Sometimes I read the bible or some other book. Sometimes I play guitar and sing and listen to the words that I'm coming up with. Sometimes I have conversations with people I trust. Sometimes I just sit and have focused thoughts about a certain thing. Sometimes I write my thoughts on paper or in the computer. What I'm writing now is kind of like reflection.

I can think of a few good reasons why I should take time to just think and analyze my self and the things around me.
I can learn to be a better man.
That is one my my conscious goals. By seeing and noticing the way I behave and the way other men behave, I can develop an image of what a good man is. I use the bible for this too. So by reflecting and examining myself up against what the bible says is a good man, and by trying to understand the things that I've witnessed other men doing, I can discern what is good to do and what is good to not do. One I realize that, I can think about it more to develop a plan on how I can grow and develop to be more holy and manly. That is pretty broad though and I guess it would cover everything.
I can just get accomplish my goals in general.
By thinking about my goals and my abilities with purpose I can develop plans and systems to get things done. It sets up a base for my efforts kind of. Thinking is the first step to doing something anyway right?
I can learn how to improve my relationships with other people.
I can think about how other people behave around me. I can learn what people are like by closely examining the things they say to certain people in certain situations when they feel certain ways. When I know those things it allows me to be sensitive to that. Sensitive, that means I sense it, I am aware. So being aware of the reality of a person's habits and emotions and speech, that makes me more able to be a good friend to them. It basically helps me to get to know people better. The more I know about somebody and my relationship with them, the more I know what is best for them in terms of me. Like what I should do with them or say to them, that is important for me to know. Blah blah blah.

For me it is like a vital part of living. I think of a rat going through a maze. The more I think about it, the better I'm going to do in this maze. If I don't think at all, there is nothing keeping me from just walking back and forth on the same path forever. But if I do think critically, to the best of my ability, it would be like a rat that gains control over it's whole body, alters it's genetic code, grows wings and flies out of the lab to live in lush gardens of pure bliss and awesomeness. That is exactly what it's like.

We're small.

Take a 3-dimensional area of space. There is a single point on that graph, with no extent. That is now. That is this moment in time and all of reality within the bounds of time. That point is on a line. That line is the progression of time. That line might be going straight, it might not be. That line may just be part of a 3 dimensional shape. There are an infinite amount of these points spanning out to every octant of this graph. Then there is another level. What this is, it is as to time as time is to a three dimensional shape. Will we ever get to experience being there? The small cages we are in now are still too big for most people manage. We have such a very small amount of freedom relative to the levels of reality that we are not at liberty to even exist in. We already have more freedom than we know what to do with.