What happens

I can see what happens sometimes. Sometimes amazing things happen behind the scenes. Like when nothing goes according to plan but everything still works out perfectly. That keeps happening over and over again. God's mind is so much higher than mine I usually have no idea what He is doing until a while after it is already done.

SpringHill

Well I didn't write for a long time.
I worked at SpringHill for the summer as a counselor. It was very much worth the time. I learned lots of stuff. I got to benefit from being in a Christian community. I got to be part of changing the world.
Lots of good stuff will happen because of what went on this summer. I feel very blessed to have been a part of it.

How Small

I was reading the word of the day in my dictionary app.
The word was "Ken" and this is the definition according to Merriam-Webster.

:the range of perception, understanding, or knowledge ken of young children — Lois M. Rettie>


Ok that was interesting to me, I didn't even know that was a word before.
I've also been reading a book. It has really brought to light how small my Ken is. I'm talking about how unaware I am of the suffering and death going on around the world. People go their entire lives where there highest pursuit in life is to survive. Kids starving to death, populations of people dying unreached with the message of salvation, and I feel like that doesn't even factor into my ken. It is like something is keeping me to coming to that realization. It just hasn't hit me how messed up this world is and how good I really have it relative to most people. Why am I not one of the kids who dies before they are grow up? I can't take credit for it. What am I supposed to do knowing that I have so much priveledge when a lot of people aren't having the needs meet for basic survival? How am I supposed to feel?
My whole way of thinking is being challenged. I am beginning to see how stupid this society is. I am beginning to see how strong of a hold of materialism has on the people in this country. I grew up with this and I haven't really been exposed to much else. How can I really know how to live for anything besides just getting more stuff and advancing my own position in the world? I need to realize that my world isn't contained within the United States.
A lot of things that I used to think were decent and acceptable are now worthless and wasteful. We waste so so much in this country. What gives us the right to do that? Because we created the things we wasted in the first place? No one has anything that wasn't given to them in some way.

It is almost like I didn't have any idea that the world was messed up and I'm just starting to see it. There is no way that I could be living my life the way I am wasting stuff and seeking stupid worthless stuff that our culture says is important while being aware of the need elsewhere and not feel like I'm a monster.

What needs to change is people need to stop thinking that they deserve everything and trying to get more stuff and just advance their own place in the world. That won't solve other people's problems, but that would solve the United States' problem with being a bunch of sarlacci who's ken is limited to the next consumption.

Pizza

I had some pizza today. I had some pizza yesterday. I had some pizza the day before that. I also had some pizza the days ago.

I wrote a song about pizza.

Pizza tastes good

Pizza tastes good

Pizza is good eats

Lots of cheese and meats

yum yum yum

yum yum yum

Pizza tastes good

Thank you.

Thing

Well I wonder about things still. I have not been writing as much lately.
I'm faced with choices. I am required to make decisions. Sometimes it is very hard for me to make a decision because I don't know what choice of action is best. That is because I don't know the future to a high enough degree to be confident that one choice is going to be better than the alternative. On top of that, I'm not even certain about the level of urgency that this decision really has. I don't feel like the consequences are too much of a factor in this case though.
Different parts of me are pulling me in different directions. Outside influences are pulling me in different directions too. Ultimately I will decide what to do though.
I guess that is how it goes. I'm going to reap what I sow either way, so I guess I'll just try to sow what I would more prefer to reap. oh ok.

Other people

I wonder if other people have as many thoughts about other people as I have?
Sometimes I try to learn about a person. Some people behave in a way that interests me, for different reasons. Sometimes it is because it is confusing to me, sometimes it is because it is inspiring. Most of what I try to learn is how they treat people or behave around different people. I want to know why different people do different things around different people in different situations. I want to know the concrete reasons for it.
I want to know why I do things and not do things too.
Sometimes that is hard to do. I guess I just wonder if other people really observe and study other people the way that I do. Learning about other people, I think, can help reveal things to me about myself at the same time. I don't even have the mental energy to think about it though. I just can't understand some people. But the things I do understand are the things that I'm willing to talk about with a person. The things I don't understand, I don't want to bring up in conversation. And unfortunately that doesn't mean I don't still want to understand those things. Oh well.

Emotion

I have had a lot of thoughts lately. I scanned through them and picked this one.
Sometimes I feel like my emotions are totally irrational. I put a lot of trust in my ability to think about things pragmatically. In certain areas of my life my emotions disagree with my practical conclusions. In one recent instance of this, my emotion gave way and the strain on my heart was lifted. But interestingly, I noticed that my ideas were just as off center as my emotions were. My thought process had diverged from the center just as much as my emotions had. When I started to be at peace, it was because both my thoughts and my emotions took a turn and harmonized with each other on the issue.
So I used to think of the relationship between my mentality and my feelings was like a kite and the tail of the kite, where my ideas were the tail keeping my emotions in order. But now I see that sometimes they both get out of whack so both of them have to make adjustments in order to harmonize with each other. I can't think of an analogy for that.

Infinite Puzzle

"...it is an eternal mystery, but still you can see that the pieces fit together..."

What is art?

This is a question that I've been asking myself. I learned a possible definition for art as something that holds value, that is created. Art is something that contains a value or values of the artist. That makes perfect sense to me. Art is an expression of the artist. Someone said that once.
When I am using my crayons I often find that is something revealing about myself. It is amazing how much I can learn about myself by looking deep into my own creations. Even when I look away from solid physical creations I see an expression myself. I have been experimenting with my guitar a lot lately. I've composed several different things. Sometimes words even come to the surface. I find that the music and the lyrics are an expression of myself and things within myself.
I think the same is true for any creation. God's creation is an expression of himself as well.

Genesis 1:26
Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth."

It says it right there. God intentioned to model His creation after Himself. We are God's art. But does that mean that people express God's character? Yes. Even though we don't behave as God does, in the end He will be glorified through us one way or another.
When I play my guitar, the sounds bounces off the walls, and all of it together makes the art. All about humanity is like God's music, His song. It goes on forever. It is so much higher than any music any human has ever created.

I could go off on so many tangents at this point but I might as well end this before it stops making sense and increase the chance that I'll say something incorrect.

Metroid

I thought about this for a moment. You know those Metroid things from the game? It seemed to me that you could see their brains. They looked like big brains.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a Metroid. The Metroids float up and down and they sometimes grab onto your head and suck out your hearts.
I think my brain does that sometimes. Sometimes when I'm thinking, I feel like I'm above the clouds in an aircraft of high order thought processes, looking down on all the simple ideas and seeing how it all fits together. Other times it feels like I'm low to the ground looking up, and I can't see the big picture. It is hard for me to make sense of things in times like that. Like a Metriod, I float up and down sometimes my mind is clear, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes I don't like it. But this blue brain space jelly fish is my little friend, and someday he will get huge and safe my life just like in Metroid.